One of the greatest 'line' movies of all time is Monty Python
and the Holy Grail. I've collected quite a few sound bits of
the best lines and I am putting some of them here to download.
You can click on each link for that sound. I have also included
the text of several of the best lines and scenes, some of which
I have the sound to go with it, and some I don't.
If you have any favorites, let me know and I will put them up. I have The Holy Grail on DVD now!!
Here are three NEWLY RECORDED MP3 files of clips from the very funny Black Knight scene. (I took them straight from the DVD!
Black Knight 1.mp3 203 KB
Black Knight 2.mp3 123 KB
Black Knight 3.mp3 534 KB
Here is a hilarious one from the Castle Anthrax!
This is the Bishop blessing the Holy Handgrenade
French Knight: Your mother was a hamster, and your father
smelt of elderberries!
(sound of arrow hitting Concorde in the chest)
Concorde: Message for you, sir.
Bedemere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: She turned me into a newt!
Bedemere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Dennis: Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Dead collector: Bring out your dead!
Man: Here's one.
Old Man: I'm not dead!
Man: Nothing. Here's your ninepence
Old Man: I'm not dead!
Collector: Here. He says he's not dead.
Man: Yes he is.
Old Man: No I'm not!
Collector: He isn't?
Man: Well he will be soon. He's very ill.
Old Man: I'm getting better!
Man: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
Collector: Look, I can't take him like that. It's against
Old Man: I don't want to go on the cart!
Man: Oh don't be such a baby.
Collector: I can't take him.
Old Man: I feel fine!
Man: Oh, do us a favor?
Collector: I can't.
Man: Well can you make it around in a couple of minutes? He won't
Collector: No... I've got to go to the Robinsons. They've lost
Man: Well when's your next round?
Old Man: I think I'll go for a walk.
Man: You're not foolin' anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there
something you can do?
Old Man: I feel happy! I feel Happy!
(Sound of Old Man being hit in the head with a large club)>
Man: Oh, thanks very much.
Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Arthur: What does it say?
Brother Maynard : It says: "Here may be found the last words
of Joseph of Aramethia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may
find the Holy Grail in the Castle of AAAhhahhhhahhaaa."
Brother Maynard : The Castle of AAahaahhaaaaaa.
Sir Bedemere: What, he's dead?
Brother Maynard: He must've died while carving it.
Arthur: Oh, come on!
Brother Maynard: Well that's what it says.
Arthur: Look, if he was dying he wouldn't bother to carve
"Aahhaahaaaaaa." He'd just say it. Brother Maynard:
Well that's what's carved in the rock.
Sir Lancelot: Perhaps he was dictating.
Arthur: Oh, shut up.
(Tune sung by a minstrel accompanying Sir Robin)
Bravely bold Sir Robin went forth from Camelot. He was not afraid
to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed
in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not
in the least bit scaredto be mashed into a pulp. Or to have his
eyes gouged out, or his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split
and his body burned away. And his limbs all hacked and mangled
brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and his heart cut out and
his liver removed and bowels uncleffed and his nostrils raped and
Sir Robin: That's ah... that's enough music for now, lads.
Sir Lancelot: Look, My Leige!
Sir Gallahad: Camelot..
Patsy: It's only a model.
Lancelot: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
Arthur: I am your King.
Peasant woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest
shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the
water, signifying by devine providence that I, Arthur, was to
carry Excalibur. That is why I'm your king.
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords
is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power
derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: You can't expect to weild supreme executive power just
because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: If I went 'round sayin' I was an emporer just because
some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me
Man #1: Who's that then?
Man #2: I dunno. Must be a king.
Man #1: Why?
Man #2: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Knights Who Say "Nee": Nee... nee... nee... nee.
Arthur: Who are you?
Head Knight: We are the Knights Who Say "Nee."
Arthur: No... not The Knights Who Say "Nee!"
Head Knight: The same.
Bridgekeeper: What is your quest?
Lord: Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until
I come and get him.
Guard: Not to leave the room. Even if you come and get him.
Lord: No, no. Until I come and get him.
Guard: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
Lord: No, no. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't
Guard: And you'll come and get him.
Guard: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him
from entering the room.
Lord: No, no. Leaving the room.
Guard: Leaving the room. Yes.
Guard: Fine. Oh.. if if if if if ahhh if we... if if if ...
Lord: Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure
he doesn't leave the room. Alright?
Guard: Oh, I remember. Ahh can he leave the room with us?
Lord: No... you just keep him in here, and make sure...
Guard: Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had
to leave and we were with him...
Lord: No, just keep him in here...
Guard: ...Until you or anyone else...
Lord: No, not anyone else. Just me.
Guard: Just you..
Lord: ...get back.
Guard: Get back.
Guard: Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
Lord: And make sure he doesn't leave.
Lord: Make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard: The Prince?
Lord: Yes. Make sure he doen't leave!
Guard: Ohh, yes. Of course! I thought you meant him. You know it
seemed a bit daff to guard him when he's a guard.
Lord: Is that clear?
Guard: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
(He starts to leave, the guards follow)
Where are you going?
Guard: We're coming with you.
Lord: No, I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn't
Guard: Oh I see. Right.
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